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[11/19/08 10:26 am] |
the world always rotates the same.
glad to see that fire! run with it, or keep getting run over.
thank you for answering my question :)
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| did you know better? |
[10/13/08 7:36 pm] |
Ring the bells
Let it in
Say softly begin
If it feels like the first time, don't let it in
Cause it wanders by
Like something that could have been
If I were to write this song
I could penetrate your ears
Would it calm your trembling soul?
Would it ease your every fear?
Can we go back to
The place where we all used to see through
Every thing blinding us?
Now you don't understand anything anymore
You shiver at the signs
You're afraid to show that
You're always so willing to know
Could the song solve all our problems?
Could it have the strength to heal?
Would it cripple and destroy
And leave nothing unrevealed?
And might it uproot every lie
And force us all to cower
Beneath this tremendous weight
In the wake of all its power
Can we go back to
The place where we all used to see through
Every thing blinding us?
Now you don't understand anything anymore
You shiver at the signs
You're afraid to show that
You're always so willing to know
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[10/1/08 8:37 pm] |
I love because I need
I love because. the hole I feel is filled.
I need, therefor I love,
A fair exchange I think, a minus for a plus
I love you now for what I think I get
But, what you give me never seems to reach that emptiness
I sense a pain, and love you more
Imagining that this will dull the hollow sound my empty makes
And time goes by; I do not like you now
because my craving would not stop its din
it cries out to me and makes me peer inside
but, I cannot face the black
You did not make it white.
We act to fill our needs. We eat out of need, we create friendships out of need, we love out of need, we marry out of need, we reproduce out of need. So at what capacity does love ever win amongst the needs. Once each need is filled you move on to a greater need. And once the need for love is filled, a greater need reveals. Is love just an afterthought to need.
Once the need is filled, you need something new. But the love does not end. Need ends. I do not need my daddy, I have a different need but I love him just the same if not more. Love weaves itself through the need. But what if what you need cancels out that which you love. What if you need understanding or a change of faces and your love is cut off.
Then has need become the winner?
You will not be the ruler of my love. You can only cut the string at one end. Love will always outlast need from my end, after all I can only control my own fate. Your needs surpassed your love.
I need comfort. I need faith. I need tenderness. I need music in the silence. I need cuddles. I need wit. I need danger. I need calm. I need understanding eyes. I need warm hands. I need snow. I need water. I need resurrection. I need hope. I need radiance. I need fighter. I need humor. I need innocence. I need wisdom.
It sounds simple. But all those simple needs, don't hold a candle to love.
I need love. Always.
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[5/4/08 2:40 pm] |
losing faith
letting go
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[4/30/08 10:02 pm] |
FUCK
I'm so sorry.
So sorry.
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[3/19/08 2:34 am] |
" Is it possible i got it right on my first try, could him and I last forever Caty?"
Are they technical or emotional.
Do you end up with each other because you grew from each relationship and you learned more about your self and your needs and you finally ended up with some one who could work together in a balance with you.
Or is it you are just waiting for that one true love, sometime's it is the first try. some times it is the second some times it is the 13th try.
Is it about fate and romance and the passion
or is it about growing and learning and compromise.
I don't understand it,
Granted im in love now, but answering the question for another. answering as to whether its possible. i dont think i beleive you can get it on the first try,
i think that idea was crushed a long time ago for me, before i was even a freshman.
i don't know where this came from? it appeared here when i went to type i really dont know why and i actually cannot bring my self to erase it which is also baffling me.
anyway. im proud of you for not responding. i guess. i mean, i was not trying to be mean. but i finally feel unwelcome and that's a good thing for you.
i feel deeply confused about the past and what it has to lead to. about regret. regret that i didnt know would be regret. about how to prevent it, about how to die and look back on my life like i did things right. about how to not burn bridges. but to always stand up for what is right, and to not let people hurt others, if there is something i can do. but perhaps i cannot be the hero, the martyr i some times i attempt to be because the right choice i always try to make really really hurts me and i don't have enough self confidence to face the world and be happy with my decision. so perhaps i should just make the wrong choice so i don't have to lose friends.
how does this all fucking work?
where are you when I need you?
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| honestly |
[1/15/07 10:15 pm] |
The Honest & Emotion Survey
*Honest Section*
1. Honestly, what color is your shirt?
pink,black
2. Honestly, whats on your mind?
college, how much i want to leave, how much i dont want to be seperated from him...
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?
talking to ty
4. Honestly, do you think Johnny Depp is attractive?
yes
5. honestly, are you in love?
honestly, yes
6. Honestly, have you done something bad today?
yes
7. Honestly, do you watch disney channel?
of course
8. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
matthew
9. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
mhm
10. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?
people...all the time
11. Honestly, do you bite your nails?
yes
12. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?
yea
13. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?
matthew
14. Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
who doesn't?
15. Honestly, do you have a friend you don't actually like?
yes
17. Honestly, are you in denial?
of course
19. Honestly, do you like anyone?
yes
20. Honestly, does anyone like you?
obviously
DIFFERENT EMOTIONS SURVEY
*Anger Section*
1. What do you do when you're mad?
punching bag
2. What's the worst thing you've done when you were mad?
punching wall
3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
oh hell yea
*CRYING SECTION*
1. When was the last time you really cried?
today
2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?
last night
3. Do certain songs make you cry?
Fire and Rain- James Taylor, I hope you Dance
4. What usually makes you cry?
my mom
*Happy Section*
1. Are you normally a happy person?
normally yes, last few months have been hard
2. What can make you happy?
almost anything if presented at the right time
3. Does being with your friends make you happy?
always.
4. Do you believe in yourself?
yes
5. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?
nah, i already know it.. ;) yes ofcourse that makes me happy its a compliment
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[1/8/07 10:50 pm] |
I love my friends
I love my boy
I love our nights
I love theatre (despite what i say)
I love twelve inch turkey on white with american cheese
I love life
:)
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[12/18/06 12:29 am] |
Berklee College of Music
University of Maryland College Park
Boston Conservatory
Boston University
American University
Loyola College
James Madison University
Northeastern University
...i just feel like that was too many, and i also feel like if i dont get into at least one of those, i am a failure
im just way too nervous and i have to wait till april for most
besides berklee and northeastern...
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[12/11/06 11:31 pm] |
...nerevous about cabaret... all aspects of it.
im worried about you, i can't help it. i love you to death and i think you are beautiful and i think you deserve the stars if thats what you want and i feel like you dont see that, and i dont know how to help.
and im not a whore, i love him... and i feel like there is a difference
....?
i think thats all at the moment.
<3
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| Shre x a |
[12/11/06 12:19 am] |
Shreya dear, this is dedicated to you...
I wanna get you in the Georgia Dome on the fifty yard line
while the dirty birds kick for t'ree
and if you like in the club we can do it
in the DJ booth or in the back of the VIP
whip cream with cherries,n' strawberries on top
lick it don't stop
with the doe lock
don't knock while the boat rock
We go-bots and robots or they got to wait till the show stop
or how 'bout on the beach with black sand
lick up your thigh then call me the pac man
table top or just give me a lap dance
the rock to the park to the point to the flat land
that man Ludacris (woo) in the public bathroom
or in the back of a classroom
how ever you want it lover lover gonna tap that ass soon
see I cast 'em and I pass'em get a tight grip and I grasp 'em
I flash 'em and out last 'em
and if ain't good then I trash 'em while you stash 'em
I'll let 'em free
and the tell me what they fantasy
like up on the roof roof tell yo boyfriend not to be mad at me
......sigh... good times at friendlys, good times else where... ect <3
sorry drew about the mix up, i really didnt do it unpurpose i wanted to be there :(
i love you :)
goodnight...
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[12/9/06 3:25 am] |
wow...
holy shit...
<3
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[12/4/06 8:22 pm] |
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie!
Catys-->
Opening credits:
Guajira
Waking Up:
Humble Me- Norah Jones
First Day At School:
Judas' Death- Jesus Christ Superstar
Falling In Love:
Sin Wagon- Dixie Chicks (AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH)
Fight Song:
If I could- Jack Johnson
Breaking Up:
How Low- Grahmn Colton Band
Prom:
I'll Back You Up- Dave Matthews
Life:
Say Goodbye- Dave Matthews
Mental Breakdown:
Remember When It Rained- Josh Groban
Driving:
Jungle Gym- Jack Johnson
Flashback:
On The Street- Rent
Getting back together:
Main Title- Pirates of the Carribean
Wedding:
Give It Up To Me- Sean Paul (PERFECTION.... for my wedding)
Birth of Child:
The Only Difference Between Martydom and Suicide is Press Coverage- Panic at the Disco (Creep??)
Final Battle:
Treasures- The Rocket Summer
Death Song:
Travelin Soldier- The Dixie Chicks
Funeral Song:
Somebody knows you Now- Brad Paisley
End Credits:
Such Great Heights- Postal Service (PERFECTION!!!)
Conners--->
Opening credits:
Don't Wanna Miss a Thing- Aerosmith
Waking Up:
Defying Gravity- Wicked
First Day At School:
Tortuga- Pirates of the Carribean
Falling In Love:
If I fall your going down with me- the Dixie Chicks ( PERFECT)
Fight Song:
Teenage Dirtbag- Wheatus (HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA)
Breaking Up:
Runaway- Something Corporate
Prom:
Beleive me Natalie- The killers
Life:
One Sweet World- Dave Matthews
Mental Breakdown:
The Best Thing I had Going- Brad Paisley
Driving:
Feelin Myself- Dolla ( HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA)
Flashback:
Surprise, Surprise-The Starting Line
Getting back together:
Dame Lo Que Quiero- RAKIM y KEN Y (DAMN IT)
Wedding:
Perfect- Guster
Birth of Child:
I'll Fly away- Allison Kraus
Final Battle:
If You Can't Leave it Be- Dashboard Confessional
Death Song:
Extraordinary Girl- Green Day
Funeral Song:
Caro Mio Ben- hahahahahhaah eastern region!!!
End Credits:
Broken Vow- Josh Groban
Alex--->
Opening credits:
Down in Mississippi (Up to no Good)- Sugarland
Waking Up:
I am a Man of Constant Sorrow- The Soggy Bottom Boys
First Day At School:
In The Jailhouse now- the soggy bottom boys
Falling In Love:
Breakdown- Jack Johnson
Fight Song:
One Short Day- Wicked
Breaking Up:
Say Goodbye- Chris Brown
Prom:
Someday you will be loved- Death cab
Life:
I should tell you- rent (SHE HAS AIDS)
Mental Breakdown:
Cigarettes- The Wreckers (HAHAHAHHAHAA)
Driving:
Basket Case- Green Day (AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHA, PERFECTION)
Flashback:
THe Rhythm of Life- Sweet Charity ( OH MY GOD)
Getting back together:
Change Your Mind- The Killers
Wedding:
One Song Glory- RENT
Birth of Child:
Pump It- Blackeyed Peas ( LLAMO)
Final Battle:
Constellations- Jack Johnson
Death Song:
Shameless- Coheed and Cambria
Funeral Song:
Walking Contradiction- Green day
End Credits:
American Idiot- Green day
Alex's was by far the funniest. but they all have there extemley hilarius features...
that was long
im done with these things
...i love you...
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[11/30/06 4:27 pm] |
OH SNAP!
i just finished my TERM PAPER :)!!!!
community service project: 14 pages, five sources, and 31 hours...
IM DONE!!!! IM DONE WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and im excited..apparently...
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[11/29/06 9:58 am] |
I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
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[11/28/06 12:10 am] |
hurts
cause i wanted it so bad
maybe now ill stop believing
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| feet |
[11/26/06 8:44 pm] |
don't be afraid
i love you
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| oh my god |
[11/26/06 4:56 pm] |
i've been stressed before...its not a big deal right?
i can't sleep..i toss and i turn because im nervous for saturday...SATURDAY its a week away and i already cant sleep...some times my hands get shaky and sweaty cause i think about saturday. and then i think about saturday some more..
not only is it the audition for the college i want to go to most of all in the entire world
its the day i walk away from little shop cast
my last highschool musical
my last fall musical
i cant do this.
i cant do any of this
i cant walk into that room and audition..i cant do it im gunna fuck it up
and i can't perform that final night, im not ready to be done with this cast, im not
im nervous
im so nervous
i've never been like this
not even millie, millie didnt put me this far over the edge
and i didnt want to add stress to your list, not now..not ever. but i cant help it. i cant keep my mouth shut when i should and maybe thats good maybe its not. but i dont want to make anything worse for you
oh god im all shaky again
can some one just cuddle with me? calm me down? any one?
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[11/12/06 3:18 pm] |
i swear to god if i hear one more thing about that fucking playbill im going to burn every last one
yes there are typos
mrs nap was supposed to read the whole thing over and mark all corrections and she DIDNT
yes people are missing
mr. burgess gave me an incomplete list and mrs nap was supposed to read the whole thing over and she didnt notice her own cast missing
so if she doesnt notice how the fuck am I?
and yes there are adds missing
BECAUSE THEY WERE NOT HANDED TO ME
every add given to me was put in that fucking booklet.
and maybe it would have been gone over better (not that that was in my control) if the adds had been handed to me earlier than a week before the entire thing was due
i spent exactly 22 hours on the play bill and only had help with scanning...SCANNING thats all folks
paul atleast had matt last year and a bunch more little friends to help with the easy stuff, i remember cause i remember helping him
yea no one offered to help
espeically not matt,
which is fine
but that means that there may be some fucking errors
and people are trying to make me feel like i am incomptent like some how EVERYTHING is my fault.
holy shit
im pissed off....
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[10/20/06 2:53 pm] |
Cause I am listenin' to what you got
Put up your hands if you want me to stop
And I turn around, but I think you're crazy
If you think this happens a lot
Oh, do you like this?
Do you need someone to cover you
Just to show you what you missed
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